Fido's Friend Gifts

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

'Since my bone marrow transplant, the dog doesn't know me!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

Dog lover

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

Canine Scentipede

No Soliciting

"Your love gives me strength."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'I think he got embarrassed because of the sweater. . . Another dog started laughing. I told him it was just wheezing, but he wasn't buying it.'

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

'Don't make such a fuss woman, he's only a puppy!'

he used to belong to a cartoonist

Dog on balconey in city sniffing tree in pot

Lost my squeaky toy. Please help.

Dog owner sees pet reading book, 'How to train your owner'.

"Oh, for Pete’s sake – it’s the ocean!"

Dog Sees Only Food

"Hold my calls for a while, Wilson."

Jumping Dogs

'Click it or ticket.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"He's like having our own personal trainer. . ."

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

"What's that smell, girl? Is it spring?"