Four-legged Friend Gifts

"So you’re Penny. It’s nice to finally put a face to the scent."

'Sure, I could be independent, but it's so much nicer to allow myself to be spoiled rotten by Mistress...'

"I'm 'Bad Dog' so you must be 'Good Boy'!"

"He's a real dog person."

"But how do you KNOW they'll come back for us..??"

"Barking can be very affirmational."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Dog lover

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Have you tried biting him?"

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

Christmas Pets

"Your love gives me strength."

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

Dogs all across town saw fit to teach their owners a little empathy...

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

"Humans are strange."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Chasebook

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

'I think he got embarrassed because of the sweater. . . Another dog started laughing. I told him it was just wheezing, but he wasn't buying it.'

Separation

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

The Tutankhamen Expedition 1908 (The Economy Version).

But it's the other leg that hurts.

"Cat park"

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Examination.

Dog Day Afternoon

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'