Festive Storytellers Gifts

'Children, remember me saying that Santa was quite poorly? Well, I've got some very sad news...'

Quasimodo At Christmas.

"Follow the brightest star, is that all he said?"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

Filming Christmas

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

A feminist Christmas.

Knight before Christmas

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

"You've got to learn to let go."

"Due to budget cuts, I will be your Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

Antique shop owner looks at old chalice, saying: 'Well, it MIGHT be worth something if it had the original myrrh inside.'

It happened on Christmas Eve

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

"Remember last October when you had on your autumn colors and we were hugging like this? And that tiny chipmunk jumped on my face? That was nuts!"

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

Spring/Summer/Winter

'Miss Cole hung it right next to Eddie Doan's sun.'

Doctor Jekyll as a child.

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

Boy Prays for a Full Stocking

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

"I'm playing Santa in the Christmas play. I need a pillow and eight tiny reindeer by Friday."

"She's had work."

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

"Obviously, because he had the best P.R. people he was the most famous reindeer of all."