Festive Stories Gifts

'I take it he didn't like his presents this year?'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Merry Christmas"

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

A feminist Christmas.

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"Sharp shooter, huh? Well, I was attacked by an ax murderer!"

Knight before Christmas

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

"Due to budget cuts, I will be your Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

It happened on Christmas Eve

57th Birthday balloons

Antique shop owner looks at old chalice, saying: 'Well, it MIGHT be worth something if it had the original myrrh inside.'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

"I'm playing Santa in the Christmas play. I need a pillow and eight tiny reindeer by Friday."

Boy Prays for a Full Stocking

Rudolph Red Light District

"But, can he support you on what a store santa makes working one month a year?"

"Yeah, it's a Christmas tree alright! So, we know exactly where the antelopes will be early morning on Christmas day..."

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

"Obviously, because he had the best P.R. people he was the most famous reindeer of all."

How the little banjo boy became a drummer

Free Chimney Cleaning.

"Mom said we shoulda brought the truck...."

Caterpillar and stockings.

Twas 4 nights before Christmas and Santa's spirits aren't high. Unless hitched to his sleigh, his reindeer can't fly...

"This internship is humiliating."