Festive Story Lovers Gifts

'Are you nuts? -- Santa's secret identity is MY dad!'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'Then it's approved. We move from the North Pole at once due to melting of the polar ice caps.'

A feminist Christmas.

Knight before Christmas

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

"Due to budget cuts, I will be your Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

Antique shop owner looks at old chalice, saying: 'Well, it MIGHT be worth something if it had the original myrrh inside.'

Ice skating boyfriends

Toy skier jumps from snow globe to miniature winter scene.

It happened on Christmas Eve

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

Boy Prays for a Full Stocking

Elves' Union Presents Demands To Santa Claus

"I'm playing Santa in the Christmas play. I need a pillow and eight tiny reindeer by Friday."

"Obviously, because he had the best P.R. people he was the most famous reindeer of all."

How the little banjo boy became a drummer

Free Chimney Cleaning.

Caterpillar and stockings.

Christmas Tree Decorated with Books.

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

Twas 4 nights before Christmas and Santa's spirits aren't high. Unless hitched to his sleigh, his reindeer can't fly...

"Like they say. . . the shadow knows!"

"It's just temporary, Comet, until Rudolph feels better."

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

'He says he's a friend of the Santa Claus.'

"Thank you for the best Christmas ever. - Gracie"

If This Vehicle Is Being Operated In A Dangerous Or Reckless Manner Please Call.....

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'