Festive Story Enthusiasts Gifts

"Due to budget cuts, I will be your Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Yo ho ho!

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

Merry Kissmas

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

A feminist Christmas.

Knight before Christmas

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Elf of the Month

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

Santa and reindeer in line with shadows

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

Poinsettia

"I keep thinking it's Christmas."

December Fest

Antique shop owner looks at old chalice, saying: 'Well, it MIGHT be worth something if it had the original myrrh inside.'

"Why the hell aren't you writing all this down?"

It happened on Christmas Eve

'This would be perfect for Charlene to give her husband...'

"I want a story that won't challenge my worldview ."

Ode to Rip Van Winkle.

'I wrapped it myself !'

"What time does the Black Friday parade begin?"