Festive Narrator Gifts

"Mom said we shoulda brought the truck...."

'Doesn't someone else want to tell a ruddy ghost story for a change?'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

Christmas Presents.

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

Bad gifts

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'Whatever happened to 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.''

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Oh, Christ.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

A feminist Christmas.

Knight before Christmas

The Porkypine Pals Christmas Adventure - Part Four

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

"Due to budget cuts, I will be your Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'

It happened on Christmas Eve

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

C.P.A.

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.