Festive Narrator Pillows

"Mom said we shoulda brought the truck...."

'Doesn't someone else want to tell a ruddy ghost story for a change?'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

Christmas Presents.

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

Bad gifts

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'Oh, Christ.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

A feminist Christmas.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Knight before Christmas

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

"Due to budget cuts, I will be your Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

C.P.A.

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

It happened on Christmas Eve

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

Antique shop owner looks at old chalice, saying: 'Well, it MIGHT be worth something if it had the original myrrh inside.'

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'