Feline Contemplator Gifts

Cat Philosophy

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

PET THEORIES

'Hard to follow...'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"How do I get down?"

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

Nocturne

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

"You must now empty the Kitty Litter of your mind."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"My one regret is not napping more."

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

"The human is back - act normal."

Today is the first day of the rest of your nine lives.

"Any thoughts about pilling yourself?"

What if cats talked dirty...

"What have you done?"

Zen Kitten

"I'm not buying it."