Feline Astrologer Gifts

Cat Horoscopes: 'You will spend the day curled up on the comfy chair. In the evening expect a treat from your owner for being so good.'

Cat in a tank...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

PET THEORIES

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Hard to follow...'

'Don't look at me!'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"How do I get down?"

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'Naughty boy, I see you clawing my curtains.'

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

"You must now empty the Kitty Litter of your mind."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"My one regret is not napping more."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

'Who are you and what do you want?'

Zen Kitten

'. . . I can see why people might believe in reincarnation but if you're already a cat - what's the point?!'

"Any thoughts about pilling yourself?"

What if cats talked dirty...

"The human is back - act normal."

"If you must know, like most cats I'm a registered Independent!"