Feline Astrologer Prints

Cat Horoscopes: 'You will spend the day curled up on the comfy chair. In the evening expect a treat from your owner for being so good.'

Cat in a tank...

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

PET THEORIES

'Hard to follow...'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'

"How do I get down?"

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'Naughty boy, I see you clawing my curtains.'

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

"You must now empty the Kitty Litter of your mind."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"My one regret is not napping more."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"The human is back - act normal."

Today is the first day of the rest of your nine lives.

"Any thoughts about pilling yourself?"

What if cats talked dirty...

"What have you done?"

Zen Kitten

"I'm not buying it."