Animal-loving Astrologer Gifts

'I've finished your horoscope, Bucky.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Dog Dressed to Eat

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

I think the dolphin is my spirit animal! Unfortunately, it's likely mine is the sloth.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

The first dog in space - with his head hanging out the window

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'It's her signature dish.'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

"Eye irritation is quite common when Saturn and Jupiter are in this position. It's called conjunctivitis."

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

'Wanna play? We need another body... er... one more player.'

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'I don't believe in astrology. I think that's because I'm a Leo.'

'I'm a Pisces.'

"I can only tell you what's in your future - it's up to you to chase it."

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

Ostritch Gangsters.

"The sign of the sun has been a big influence on his local life, it's his local pub."

'Thanks to the horoscopes, I became pretty rich! I devise and sell that stuff!'

'Lately I've been feeling the lure of the stage.'