Law-loving Astrologer Gifts

'I don't care if your stars did say 'Take financial matters into your own hands from now on'...'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

The Big Tipper

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"This connect the dots is taking FOREVER!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

"Hurray! I discovered a new planet!"

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Cosmonaughty

'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

The Inner Dog.

"Let's take in a trial."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"So, what is your star sign?"

Fortune teller sees impending doom

Johannes Kepler

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.