Feline Strategist Gifts

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

Mouse CCTV.

"You stick with learning new tricks...I'm going for world domination."

Why cats will never rule the world: 'First, we'll assume high level government positions! Then we'll enforce harsh taxing measures! ...But first let's take a nap...sun spot feels...so good.'

"I'm too lazy to weave through my owner's legs, so I've set up a trip-wire."

"When throwing up a hairball, placement is very important."

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

"He binge watches TED talks about getting the upper hand with cats."

Cat in a tank...

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

PET THEORIES

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

'Hard to follow...'

'Don't look at me!'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Works every time."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

Saving for Retirement.

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

"How do I get down?"

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

'Catch any good mice lately?'

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

"You must now empty the Kitty Litter of your mind."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"