Fearless Fakir Fan Gifts

'He fainted when he saw the needle.'

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Remember how you advised me to get a dangerous hobby to build up my self-esteem and impress people? Well, all the dangerous hobbies were already taken. You wrestle alligators

No Soliciting

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Fox hunting.

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

"They say this will keep us up all night like that's a bad thing."

Why foxes can't tell jokes.

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

Your Palm

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Tonight... Dine At The Terror Room

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

"It's curious. No matter how hard I try, I can't find your life line."

"Now. Hear. This."

Haddock and chips please friar! (monk serving in fish bar).

Dog nail bed.

'This court hereby sentences you to fifteen months in an imaginary box.'

Scary Movies!

No Air Guitar

'Pardon me, Sir. You don't happen to have a fox in there, do you?'

'Take a deep breath and don't panic---we're walking by the reason this area's known as the 'fear factor''

'Is something wrong Kevin... we don't talk anymore!'

"I see cars. Lots of illegally parked cars."

"How's my life line doing?"

How to tell that it's Howie Mandel's dog you're dealing with.

'Everything will turn to gold-but don't worry,it won't last....'

Needle Toilet.

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Ebola. Should I really be this freaked out about it? I mean, more Americans have been married to Angelina Jolie than have died of Ebola. You should be TERRIFIED! It LIQUIFIES YOUR ORGANS! It's so EASY TO CATCH, too, if a symptomatic Ebola patient throws up on you and you don't notice in time to wash it off before you rub your eyes. Ratings gold! If I stay tuned, will you update me on all the developments?

'How come no one ever sends me a fax?'

Man in tuxedo afraid to fire his gun.

Wind Up Fox

"I was looking for a more long range answer than 'Happy Hour.'"

"Don't worry, he won't hurt you intentionally."