Father Who Appreciates Puns Pillows

Caesar slips on ice. Bystander says 'He was warned-beware the ice of March'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Do it yourself books.

Camel rider sees sign stating: The Next Mirage 16 miles.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"This must be for charging bigger vehicles."

"He has extremely advanced motor skills."

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

Child on a schedule.

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

"Your four-o'clock is here."

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

'You give me goose bumps!'

'Yes, of course they're prints.'

Weather forecast

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'