Farmyard Fan Gifts

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

'Well, that's what you get for asking for another opinion.'

"We've received complaints that you're feeding them nothing but slop three meals a day."

Chicken A La King

Ever since I was a calf, I've always wanted my own henchman!

Cow looks about to make sure nobody is watching, then bleats like a sheep.

'Am I crazy...or does this thing smell just like uncle Earl?'

'These really are the Cheep Seats.'

Brenda lost not only the egg toss, but something much, much more.

'Frankly, I didn't notice his transition from Childhood to Teenagehood: He's always just grunted...'

'To be honest, Bo Peep only lost us for about fifteen minutes, but never let the truth get in the way of a good story...'

Pig Practical Jokes

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

Raptures

Yoyo sheep

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

Apparently all our farts damage the ozone layer....

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

"This isn't the big city anymore, Jim. I'm the facilitator now."

"Is his nose locally grown?"

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"I know you're a cow, but you're still hogging the covers!"

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

'This'll save a couple of journeys!'

"It's a scientific breakthrough! This seed will produce less corn...thus driving up the price!"

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

Grocery Shopping

Cop gives ASBO to cockerel: 'This of this as a cock-a-doodle-don't.'

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

'That's cow. What do cows say, Jimmy? Cows say moo. Look Jimmy, a chicken.'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'