Farm Life Enthusiast Gifts

"Do you ever ask yourself 'humanely raised' for what?"

Crossword Cow.

Mobile Veterinary Unit.

"The farm is only looking for someone part-time, no more than 80 hours a week."

Ahhh, it's great to let off steam now and again!

'Being a dairy-cow is quite an easy job, but it's the dawn start every single day that's hard to get used to.'

'He's at that tender age between veal and filet mignon.'

'They've hired a personal trainer! Now we'll never fatten them up!!'

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

'You're worried! What about me? I've never done this operation before!'

'That's true...but so are the worms.'

'Mom, that's not fair! Dad got an apple and I don't!'

'WE better get out of here. That bull is going to be mad when he comes back down.'

"Do you think this grass is organic?"

'Dad, how long has Mom been working for us?'

'I think I'm lactose intolerant.'

'Is she having a particularly severe contraction, Doctor?'

"Yes, we had the same father, a holstein. We are half-steins."

'I don't like these calf scour tablets!...

'I KNOW how to handle the unpredictable, unreliable, undesirable PATIENTS, it's the PEOPLE.'

"Old MacDonald had a dream."

'What are you all honked off about?'

'I don't have any cash flow problems. It all washed away in the flood.'

'It's for you.'

Diving cow.

'I thought you said you'd done this before.'

'Where's my glove?'

'If we are reincarnated, what do you think we'll come back as?'

"It's only until Dad gets his stall built."

'I used to roll in the mud to cool down, but I don't need to now that I have an air-conditioner...'

Standup comic doing pro-bono work in isolated rural area.

'Yes, I am on call 24 hours. You called me 22 hours ago.'

Electric Pig Shaver

'I'll kick him if he doesn't stop saying, 'Got Milk?'!'

'Doc, you're the only vet I've seen who can palpate both ovaries...