Fantasy Quest Enthusiast Gifts

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Polar Bear ice fishing through igloo.

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"No Frodo, we are still many leagues from Mordor. This is from a wildfire by I-5 west of Bakersfield."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

Late BroomStick

ET Mishap

Revenge of the Jelly Mother.

Time Machine Collision

The Mouse King appears in the Nutcracker

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"Hugh fans!"

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"What the hell took so long?"

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Ricky discovers only cartoon cats can fly.

"Where the wild things were."

"Harry Potter and the People Who Care Way Too Much About Harry Potter"

"It's probably just seasonal."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

The Beard in the Stone

Birds Following Witch.

A Knight Arrives at a Boiling Lake Filled with Monsters (Don Quixote).

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"