Fans Of Absurd Scenarios Gifts

Burglar sushes a baby

Tourists and their Pets.

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

Breakfast surreal.

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

The Bonvoy Age...

Magnet at scrapyard

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

The Hypnotato,

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

Cow Pat Planning

'Bravo Professor, you stumbled upon the one fact that makes sense of it all. Unfortunately humanity is not permitted to know that the Universe was designed by a committee of ducks.'

"I told you not to order the Zamboni."

As Lucanus, a giant bug, awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into Franz Kafka.

Cockroach Costume

Elephant Leak

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

'It's for you.'

"Tell me again why we couldn't get an Easter bunny."

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

'Excuse me, sir. Can I interest you in a timeshare property?'

'This is just a routine check, sir -- are you a turtle?'

'I don't mind the haunting. I mind the droppings.'

Hospital Food

'You ask him to sing. I don't speak Italian.'

"I made a nice zucchini bread."

"Mr. Hazlett is in conference right now. Would you care to see his evil twin?"

The one thing that drives elephants wild is sickeningly sweet elevator music.