Family Trouble Shooter Pillows

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

$1: Family Secrets

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'Hey, Dad! How about a round of computer golf?'

Just your average family holiday portrait.

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

Mario's Family Portraits.

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"That's the seventh time Dad's waved at me."

Later that day, little Johnny got in big trouble for playing with them.

My Gay Son Never Calls

'My Social Worker said SOCIETY is to blame for my loutish behaviour, which came as an enormous relief to me.'

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

"When they say to use protection... this is what you're protecting against."

"What a gloriously sunny day...! I must get in the garden and burn something..."

Colonel Bagshot.

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'

"I feel guilty because I introduced my Dad to video games and now he's addicted to them!"

"After two weeks winter holiday in the Alps with the wife and my four kids, it is wonderfully relaxing to come back to a stressful workday!"

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

The Very Last Dinosaur

'I can't make it tonight. I have to attend my mother's lecture series on responsibility.'

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.

'He's searching for his roots.'

War Games

"My birth mother? I've given up looking."