Family Defier Pillows

"You would not BELIEVE the flak I get for focusing on my career instead of having a family!"

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

$1: Family Secrets

To do before Saturday...

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Well, guys... I guess we'll just have to ask Siri where we are." "No! Don't do that!" "Yeah! We know exactly what we're doing!" "Dude! Have you forgotten our credo?" "Society for the refusal to ask for directions."

'I said: Leave my son alone!'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

Zoom Wedding

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'Eric! Look for his pressure point! He's got to have a pressure point somewhere!'

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

'I want something to make me look younger.'

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

'IF this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever encountered.'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

Man on treadmill with one leg in a cast.

"Sign here that you acknowledge the risks."

Gym. Stay young through diet and exercise. I find it much easier to just lie about my age.

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

Caution - Low gravity zone.

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'