Family Mishap Pillows

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

"You said getting to the air B&B would be quick, I didn't think you meant this quick!"

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

Family Sidecar

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

'So we lost your luggage -- You still have your health, don't you?'

"We don't need a test drive. Just let us try out the cup holders."

'Rurgh!!' - 'Burp!' - 'Form an orderly queue, ladies!'

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

'I went with a tour group to Europe, and they dumped me in Spain.'

"But Darling you always wanted to swim with dolphins"

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"My flight’s been delayed for the third time—whom do I punch in the face for that?"

"When they say to use protection... this is what you're protecting against."

Ron, I used this while you were on vacation. Please refill. Love, mother.

'You'll turn into a butterfly.'

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

"Here we are in Jackson Hole and our luggage went to Hawaii!"

'Fingers crossed this is the last time I have to visit the old goat.'

'About this trip to the Amazon jungle...I want my money back!'

"Last week, my husband waded into the cords behind our TV to untangle them, and I haven't seen him since."

"Can you imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't faked headaches?"

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

witch landing

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

"Flight or fight!"

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'