Family Solicitor Gifts

'She got the house, she got the car, she got the....'

'I should preface the reading of the will to inform you that the deceased hated everybody's guts.'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

Warring parents

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

Transcendental Litigation

Family courts.

'They're fighting over who gets custody of the electronic devices.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

Come Back Sloane

Interpreters.

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"When the divorce is final, Carl, and I've taken you for all you're worth, I hope we can still be friends."

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"