Family Law Specialist Gifts

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"Your ex-wife's attorney is totally unethical. I'm certain he'll take a payoff."

"This is my new divorce lawyer."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

Family courts.

'They're fighting over who gets custody of the electronic devices.'

'I know we hadn't planned on getting a bigger car until we had kids, but I think we need one now to accommodate the bumper-stickers.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

Come Back Sloane

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"When the divorce is final, Carl, and I've taken you for all you're worth, I hope we can still be friends."

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

'In my day you had to reach puberty before you could act surly.'

'Guess what? The judge awarded ME custody in today's two child custody cases!'

'When the bough broke, how much was the daycare center sued for?'

'We're totally against smacking but not adverse to 'moderate punishment.''

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

Bankruptcy Attorneys: "If you ain't broke, we can fix it."

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

"This may surprise you, Worthington, but I'm a man who believes that nothing in life is as important as family."

"I'm sorry but, legally, there is no way you can get divorces from your parents."

'He followed me home. Can we retain him?'