Family Court Lawyer Gifts

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

Family courts.

'... And just in case it doesn't work out, here's my card. I'm also a very good divorce lawyer.'

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

"As a matter of fact, yes, it was an amicable divorce."

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

Marriage Returns

'You don't want to marry me. I'm a divorce lawyer.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'This is George, my divorce lawyer from a previous marriage.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'They're fighting over who gets custody of the electronic devices.'

'Of course I will! Hey, I can't go wrong - my brother is a divorce lawyer and my dad is a gun dealer!'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."