Family Court Gifts

"But, Your Honor, I want supervised visits with the kids!"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

$1: Family Secrets

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

"That's in case Mum skypes me."

'All those in favor of getting a canary?'

Family courts.

'They're fighting over who gets custody of the electronic devices.'

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

"Dear Grandma, Mom told me I should write you a letter cause you don’t have a computer or cel phone like regular people. Dad said, Old people like getting letters in the mail. All this is making me so sad. Thanks a lot Grandma! I miss you. ❤️ Sofi"

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

Barristers wearing clothes pegs to overcome a bad smell

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

Come Back Sloane

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

"When the divorce is final, Carl, and I've taken you for all you're worth, I hope we can still be friends."

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

"The jury will disregard this witness' testimony as nothing but hearsay!"

"That M'lud, is the prosecutions case."

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."