Family Dispute Gifts

'How do I know he's mine?'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"We need to have a serious talk."

'Your fee is causing us more mental anguish than the accident.'

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

'I'm running away from home.'

A bit of Tennyson for you Dad: 'In spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.'

Later that day, little Johnny got in big trouble for playing with them.

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

"Not at the table."

"This is getting ugly, she's demanding a return of the kidney she donated to you back in '88."

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

Bad Heir Day

'I hate it when they agree to disagree.'

The Very Last Dinosaur

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

Family Feud

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

"We are fighting so much I'm coming to live with you again."

'Your second cousin won a Nobel Prize in physics, and you don't know how gravity works?'

'I can't make it tonight. I have to attend my mother's lecture series on responsibility.'

"Please, just give the boy his pocket money!"

"I'm gonna be an artist!"

War Games

"We've sorted out the house and the money but we can't agree over who has to keep the kids."

'No daughter of mine is marrying a good-for-nothing banker.'

'Hey, is this rigged, or what?'

"Any chance of hanging around to watch them fight over the will?"

"Honey, I just spent all our real money buying pretend-money." "Siri, search divorce lawyers in my area."

"I have 100 signatures for my online petition 'East Dessert First.'"

"You know the 'they' you keep blaming for your business problems? Their attorneys are here."

"I don't want to talk!"

"No, honey, divorce is not the same as deleting an app."