Family Conflict Gifts

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

Family Feud

'They've never had any respect for their father.'

"We are fighting so much I'm coming to live with you again."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

"We need to have a serious talk."

"Someday, my dimwitted son, all this will belong to your sister."

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

"Your sister got another promotion."

'Just wait till it's my turn to make long-term care decisions for you!'

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

Biblical Teenager

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Daughter/psychiatrist

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

"The penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law..."

"The apes accepted you, but my sister's a whole other story."

"That was generous."

"Yes, son, it's true. You were adopted."

Introducing Guiltpressure.

'I'm running away from home.'

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

(I can't ever forgive my parents.) (I, on the other hand, am profoundly grateful to them.)

''In order!' You've met my relatives! I want it left in disorder!'

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

Body language: the double negative

"I could never please my father. Whenever I did something he didn't approve of, he'd threaten to go public."