Family Conflict Navigator Gifts

'Christmas is a time for thinking about family...and I've been thinking that all my family are complete bastards.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"Having nannies really changes you."

He wanted a different one.

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until Monday?"

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'I'll fix the problem... you fix the blame.'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

'I take it this department has had conflicts.'

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'I think the problem is, Lydia, you're a man-hater and Robert, you're a woman-hater, and I can't stand either one of you.'

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

'Today is my day to baby sit.'

"What a cute little spot for us to eventually get into a fight in!"

'We're facing a hostile takeover.'

'Busting balls since 1983.'

"Miss Rogers, Sally Green. Is it true my son's research project is 'the effect of too much television on a typical ten-year-old?'"

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

"Listen, I'm still your mother."