Family Crisis Explorer Gifts

'Oh, I see! So this is what it takes for you to call your mother.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Ahhh...'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Polygamists' Picnic

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

He wanted a different one.

"Having nannies really changes you."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"I like to think that each generation will need a little less therapy than the generation before."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

'Let's get this party started!'

"All Vangundy is or ever shall be he owes to his mother."

"Miss Rogers, Sally Green. Is it true my son's research project is 'the effect of too much television on a typical ten-year-old?'"

'Today is my day to baby sit.'