Family Tension Navigator Gifts

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"Having nannies really changes you."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

'Today is my day to baby sit.'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"Listen, I'm still your mother."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'I sent my mother to jail. I work for the IRS.'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Miss Rogers, Sally Green. Is it true my son's research project is 'the effect of too much television on a typical ten-year-old?'"

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."