Family Satire Enthusiast Gifts

'They like to call it 'parenting,' but it's just an outmoded seniority system.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Suffering from Cooties?

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

The Family Joules: Part 5

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

CHANNEL THIRTEEN TAKES ON THE NETWORKS

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"I'm back. My family didn't want to spend more time with me."

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

'His dad was!'

'He didn't learn that from me!'

'I want you to bring me one.'

Mummy?!

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

"Put it on my tab."

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

How Moms explain.

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

"Bad Dog!!! You can't trust those chocolate labs."