Family Life Satire Gifts

"Bottled or breast?"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

'I thought you said, 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'!'

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

'If you're such a great dad, how come I never see you on TELEVISION?'

Scooting Death

Eat your vegetables

"We have big news!"

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

"We're still working out joint custody."

"I told you a pet is a lot of responsibility. Now, take your balloon dog out for some air."

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

"Please stop using the phrase, 'I wasn't born yesterday'."

The Swat Team of 15-L

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

Motherhood in its simplest form.

"Turn off the TV and go to bed - I'm your mother, and I approved this message."

'Can I have a glass of water?'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'I'm glad your mother stayed with us last week, it gave me a great idea for a horror story.'

'As the CEO of a large corporation, I don't suppose you'd consider taking out the garbage?'

"Teddy had a bad dream and asked me to bring him in here with you."

"I wanted to capture the essence of my wife when I painted her. . . I think I succeeded, doc."

"I should like a commission on that child tax credit."