Family Circus Ringmaster Gifts

"It's just a phase."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Circus

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

The relay race

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

Parental Training Course

Dolphin tricks.

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Matador.

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

Police Log

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

"Hah, good luck to them when they try to flush THAT!"

'Hoopla!'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

"Working" from home

"Young Master downright lied to Mistress! I can smell he didn't use soap or shampoo when he took his bath!"