Family Circus Ringmaster Gifts

"Stinkin' fake news!"

"It's just a phase."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

I just trained with my two sparring partners over there. A "boxed set"!

Circus

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

Parental Training Course

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

Dolphin tricks.

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

The relay race

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Matador.

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

Police Log

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

"Hah, good luck to them when they try to flush THAT!"

'Hoopla!'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

"Working" from home