Family Ringmaster Gifts

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

'Doctor, a stress test is something I don't need. I have a husband and four children.'

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

"We decided to have lunch at our house today, okay, mom?"

"Stinkin' fake news!"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

I just trained with my two sparring partners over there. A "boxed set"!

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

Circus

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

Matador.

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

'Hoopla!'

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."