Riding Ringmaster Gifts

"OK, you have your assignments for today, and remember, safety first: Ensure the kids wear their riding helmets..."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

I just trained with my two sparring partners over there. A "boxed set"!

Circus

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

Circus Act

Matador.

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

'Hoopla!'

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"