Riding Ringmaster Gifts

"OK, you have your assignments for today, and remember, safety first: Ensure the kids wear their riding helmets..."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Circus

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

Circus Act

Matador.

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

'Hoopla!'

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"