Ringmaster Realist Gifts

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Circus

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Circus Act

Matador.

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

'Hoopla!'

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

'May I be serious for a minute?'