Ringmaster Realist Gifts

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

I just trained with my two sparring partners over there. A "boxed set"!

Circus

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Matador.

Circus Act

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

'Hoopla!'

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

"It's Nellie the Elephant, Boss. She's just packed her trunk and said goodbye..."