Ringmaster Of Humor Gifts

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

Circus

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

Circus Act

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Matador.

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

'Hoopla!'

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

'May I be serious for a minute?'

"OK, you have your assignments for today, and remember, safety first: Ensure the kids wear their riding helmets..."