Ringmaster Of Puns Gifts

'..and in this corner, with a record of 25 wins, 7 draws, 18 losses, and 9 times beaten to a pulp...'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

I will study my speling words...

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Bed Spread"

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

"Dogs are men."

Circus

'Your Grounded!'

"What can I say? I was an English major."

'I wonder why my master never makes it into the Master's Tournament?'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

Apex Dictionaries Co - sign reads: Clowsed,bak at too.

"Hey, Sisyphus, when you've got a minute I'd like to discuss this progress report with you."

Biology Laboratory: No Cellfies

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"I was going to tell you a joke about my snack, but I thought it might be a bit too cheesy...."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

Card shark

Barbed Pen

Doric, Ionic and Platonic.

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

If you think that's good, you should see the Pork Sabre!

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"