Rumor Ringmaster Gifts

"Never be afraid to take me into your confidence, Sally, I'm very partial to stoolies."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Circus

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Matador.

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

Circus Act

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

'Hoopla!'

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

'May I be serious for a minute?'