Family Ringmaster Pillows

"O.K., now—on three, I'm going to toss a second job in there!"

'Doctor, a stress test is something I don't need. I have a husband and four children.'

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

"We decided to have lunch at our house today, okay, mom?"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

Circus

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

'It's worse than outsourcing. Instead of hiring foreign labor, they got bought out by foreign management.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

Matador.

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

'Hoopla!'

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

"He's so cute when he waves his little baton."

"I wish we could go back to waltzes - this boogie woogie is killing me."

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'

"You'll have to use your fingers - the sword swallowers have eaten all the cutlery!"