Fall Humorist Gifts

Nooooo! Fall.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"Gee, thanks pal."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Flight simulator'

Macbeth: Take Two

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

Christmas Presents.

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."