Fall Humorist Pillows

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"Gee, thanks pal."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Flight simulator'

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

Christmas Presents.

Macbeth: Take Two

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."