Faith With A Twist Gifts

When angels go awry.

Cheesus

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

United Church of OMG

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'Let there be cool.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

Out for lunch... GOD

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

"We learned in Sunday School today that God uses illegal surveillance techniques."

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Zen and the Art of Procrastination.

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

Monk with a smiley face on his tonsure.

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

At Michawl Phelps' baptism.

'How come I never see you in church?'

A virtue of vicars