Religion With A Twist Gifts

"That vicar really knows how to put the fear of god into people."

Monk with a smiley face on his tonsure.

The dove returns to Noah's Ark carrying an olive branch in a martini.

How's my absolution! (800)-HAIL MARY

'Thanks, but next time can you be more subtle when you think my sermon has gone too long?'

"We learned in Sunday School today that God uses illegal surveillance techniques."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Ruddy bloggers!

"I broncobust and I Dust-Bust. You got a problem with that?"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

United Church of OMG

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

Champagne at the hunt

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'Let there be cool.'

'School of secondary sex characteristics'

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

Out for lunch... GOD

"You heard your mother. There's no need to bless the superfoods."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

Zen and the Art of Procrastination.

Matador Artificial Insemination.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

'How come I never see you in church?'

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

'Yes, we're trying to re-introduce some of the more traditional breeds.'