Everyday Realist Gifts

Commuters do appreciate honesty...

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"I've figured out why my life is boring."

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

"I've done nothing Instagrammable for months."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Is this a good time to bring up a car problem?"

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

STILL LIVES - Toilet Paper: 'I'm absolutely fed-up with being ripped-off all the time!'

Japanese disaster

Torah reading on the subway.

". . . And if they weren't killed during World War III, or by climate change, or from obesity related heart-attacks. . . . then they are probably alive today. Living in old age poverty."

'What are you annoyed about now?'

Unloading Zone.

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'