Lifestyle Realist Gifts

"Maybe we should watch it a bit less?"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You are still here."

Fast Food Dieter

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

Getting older is . . . when you start to dress for comfort rather than style.

Problem of getting older.

'I don't think cholesterol had been invented then.'

Getting older is...When you start to dress for comfort rather than style.

'I had to report it. Based on your lifestyle, your heart attack was premeditated.'

'Wow, dude. You're really old school!'

Obesity: Mechanical & Biological.

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

"...And do you, Jim, also promise to keep all your devices charged, upgraded and secure?"

"If you look closely, you can see Uncle Jack selfishly living his awesome single life."

"Phil suddenly decided to give up everything that was bad for him-no more smoking, drinking, or junk food-and he feels absolutely terrific!"

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'