Evangelical Satire Fan Gifts

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

"At first I was leery of him dating our daughter because he's not one of us. But he says he shares our values and brought us those lovely gifts!"

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

Thwarting the Boys from Brazil

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

"Hallelujah!"

Moral Outrage.

Self raising Lazarus.

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

Religious toilets.

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

"Can we discuss this?"

God changes His will.

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

'Can you prove it's your hat?'

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

"Dude....I just came back from the dead! I need a coffee, not a bloody chocolate egg!"

"Eve had a good sense of humor. She took a lot of ribbing on the job."

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin..."

"It's an extremely hazardous occupation - nearly every pope for the last 600 years has died on the job."

Reading the Bible.