Ethical Skeptic Gifts

"You will now open your eyes and have no memory of me charging you twice for this session!"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Build your very own conflict of interest!

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

Alternative Medicine

"God works in mysterious ways."

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

The Price of Freedom

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'Your 'marriage' invention sounds good, but what if it leads to a concentration of power for the central government?'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

All-Purpose Obamatoon

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"So he said, 'Where's your moral compass?' So I ate him."